Watching people get dumped on television isn't as intriguing as watching people get dumped live and in person, five feet away from you. It starts with the argument; the vulgarity grows in severity; tears ooze out; breathing pumps faster; then you hear the climactic catch phrase, "I'm done!" And at this very moment, one should not comment aloud on how exciting this coincidence of you and this breakup are at the same place and time. Nay, you should hold your breath, remain silent and listen for that faint sound of muscular tissue ripping.
It's tomorrow's top story.
